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July 16, 2004

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Outside Eye: A mother speaks from the pain of loss


Editor’s Note: Maxine Haglund-Blommer, the mother of murder victim Joshua Haglund, sent the following “open letter” to ArmeniaNow. Click here for our original story about the murder. Click here for this week’s update on the investigation.

To the killer or killers of my son Joshua Haglund . . .

Two months ago you killed my son – was it only one or more of you?

Do you feel good about killing Josh? Are you proud of the murder you committed? Is this your first murder or have you killed before?

Do you consider yourself a hero?

Where did you get the right to kill my son? Was it because his lifestyle was different than your own? Did you know that in three days Joshua would be leaving Armenia?

When did you plan to do this coward act? Do you know how far and deep the pain you have caused his family goes?

A part of me, his mother, died with Josh. So now you have one dead and one wounded plus family and friends around the world are shocked and sadden. Joshua left a family that loved and cared for him.

He has two nieces that Joshua adored and they loved him very much. They don’t understand why someone could do this to their uncle.

How do you feel about this or don’t you feel at all?

I wonder if you sleep well at night. Do you look over your shoulder often thinking you maybe followed?

Or is there a whole gang of you so you know no fear. As for myself, I do not sleep well. I mourn for my dead son. I weep and I ask why.

I am angry, confused and depressed.

I also know that you do not care how I feel. Josh’s two brothers and sister are demanding some answers from the police. His many friends also want answers and we all want justice.

Do you killers have a family? Do you have children? Are your parents proud of you? Maybe they don’t know what you have done. Are you terrorists or contract killers? Do you talk about this cowardly act that you committed? If you do is it in secret?

If I were to come to Yerevan, would my life be in danger? Are you going to murder an old weeping mother also? Do you live your lives like nothing happened?

The sorrow is within my every day and during the long sleepless night. I look at all the possessions that Joshua has stored at my modest home and it is too much for my to bear. His childhood photos and his travel photos I treasure dearly but at the same time I find very painful. I know that you don’t care about this but one thing I do know somewhere somehow you will slip up and someone will notice somewhere and you will be caught.

You need to live with this violent act. I would like to believe that most people in Yerevan are good people, not murderers like you. You killed my son with a butcher knife and stabbed him in the heart, ran away in the dark of night to hide and leave my son to die.

I hope you never forget the sound of the knife going in Josh’s chest and the fear in his eyes as you attacked him.

Did you look back to see if he was lying dead? Oh, you were quick. Josh’s death was fast. You had to know what you were doing. Maybe your own death won’t be so swift. Yes I am bitter and handling the death of my son is a strange and horrible thing to me.

I am also bothered that you may kill again. Are the people in your neighborhoods safe? I pray that I can forgive you but I also pray for justice.

I hope someone reading this will come forward with just the right evidence that justice will be served.

Like I said, I hope that I can forgive you someday but just don’t ask me now.

Sincerely,

Josh’s mother


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